Parenting a Kid with Life Threatening Food Allergies

If you follow me on Instagram, you have probably already heard my story first-hand about the time a total stranger and social media account saved my daughter's life. It is one of the most formative experiences of my life, and as I admitted in the five-minute-long tale, sent me into a long journey of healing through therapy.

It's strange but true that my feelings on this topic can swing from one side of the pendulum to the other on any given day: on one hand, damn, I'm grateful every single day for the miraculous series of events (and magical people) that saved my daughter; others haven't been as lucky, and I kiss her chubby cheeks and think of that moment every single day of my life. On the other, why the hell is this our life? I know, I know, there's no joy without pain and blah blah. But I don't want to have to worry about this every single day that I'm here on earth, and so far, I have. My mind counters itself during this bout of thoughts, and I think of the people who have lost their kids, or whose children are terminally ill, or have been through horrific accidents and will never lead a normal life. Snap. Ok, back to gratitude.

Can both gratitude and resentment co-exist? I think so. 

There's always some degree of constant worry to know that you're placing the trust of your child's life in other hands everyday. (My daughter is five, so we immediately navigated how life works at school and with babysitters when we realized she had allergies.) 

Do other adults know how careful they have to be if they've eaten nuts earlier in the day? Are they watching the kids intently enough at lunch time to ensure no one shares food with my child? Do other parents who haven't had this experience care enough about the safety of my girl to follow the limited food rules, or teach their kids about the risks their friends face?

If anything horrible happens, will these caregivers know when and how to use an epi pen, since the being I care most about in this world depends on it!? 

I received a whole bunch of messages in the wake of posting our life-saving allergy story. People are compassionate and kind, and this was a reminder of that. If you are someone who commented or sent me a message, thank you. One question that was posed a few times: how's life been ever since? Our daughter is healthy, happy, and knows what foods she can eat and can't eat -- if she doesn't, she asks. That's the practical summary. Truthfully, though? I am filled with more worry and anxiety than I wanted for myself, my daughter, and my family in this one life we get to live together. I cried every single day for a couple of months after she had a horrible reaction, and saw her allergy-stricken face in sweaty nightmares weekly. She, of course, had to heal, too; she asked us if she was okay after she ate a cracker, a grape, a chicken tender, or was even in the vicinity of someone maybe eating a nut for a few months. Oof.

But here we are, a year-and-a-half later, able to talk about what happened as a family, give space to those feelings, and share the story far and wide. My husband and I know that someone else sharing their story made it possible for us to have the tools to help save our daughter, and we must commit to doing the same. Life felt fragile in the aftermath of pandemic stress, and this certainly catapulted that feeling for us. I can confidently say, managing food allergies has gotten easier every month with more knowledge and confidence, and connectivity to other families going through the same thing. Like other parents say, epi pens are a physical extension of our arms now. My daughter is responsible, aware, and outspoken. I am equal parts gratitude and worry, but time does heal most wounds, and like all things in life, won't it always feel like there are people who have it worse and who have it better? Birthday party days, I could do without them; days when a restaurant owner says they made a special dessert that is completely safe and I watch my daughter beaming as she inhales it, I'll take more of those always! 

If you're experiencing the same and have questions, or just want to say hi because you relate, I'd always love to hear from you! Your kids are lucky to have you as advocates. And, a special thanks to our friends at Red Sneakers for Oakley who gave us the tools to know what was happening to our daughter and how to save her before we could've ever imagined we'd need to know it; they are the definition of compassionate, selfless advocates. Whether your kids have food allergies or not, follow them and educate yourself -- take it from us, you never know!